Here's another book I've de-virginized.. Seems I've found a Rodere here in New Orleans, but not exactly the way I intended to. I met two rats in the park, named Theo and Alex Black, and they took me for a ride to the Rodere house, where I would have my ass handed back to me in meeting Otis first (who gave me a hella nosebleed) and then the Rat King himself, Milo Jones. I said or did something wrong that was definitely offensive to him and the rest of the Rodere, who worship the ground he walks on apparently. I have never been in a Rodere, soooooooo. Yeah. Anyway, I have a "tutor" to teach me how to be a rat, named Tommy, who's never around and I have to sleep with Milo in order to learn what a rat pile smells like.
Meanwhile, I have found two things: A band, with 4 fantastic gals. And a ride, a 70's VW Beetle, that has been restored, but still needs work. I love both.
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Lovely Traces
I was consumed By a life that I made Destined to crash Beat up and bruised By the flashbacks of my own past I tried to hide away Till I heard you say
(Chorus) Lovely traces fall behind you Turn around and you will see Lovely traces to remind you Everything that you've been through What it took to get you to me
All my mistakes Regrettable choices I'd like to forget But somehow you make All that I wasted useful again I thought I fell from grace But you can't erase
(Chorus) The lovely traces behind you Turn around and you will see Lovely traces to remind you Everything that you've been through What it took to get you to me
I lost my direction 'Cause I couldn't see What a beautiful picture You would complete in me
(Chorus) The lovely traces behind you Turn around and you will see Lovely traces to remind you Everything that you've been through What it took to get you to me
I guess my way of being at ease with others is to make silly remarks, or dare others to do something, or doing something spontaneous and fun. Like what I tried to do with Alex the other day. I am learning that my spontaneity seems random to him, and no matter how I try to be close to him, it doesn't work because he only reacts positively to those dominant in the rodere. We got in a huge argument all because he acted high and mighty, telling me that I would have to come watch the Killjoys perform in order to see him sing. He absolutely refused to play along the singing game with me.
I guess I might have been a little out of line by calling him a few names (like butt licker, but he didn't know that because I said it in French) I was just so pissed that he turned something innocent into a major issue. It seems that way alot. I see how he acts around other people, and how he acts around me and I fucking don't get it at all. He makes me feel two inches tall, then is going to ask me what's up in the kitchen. I didn't want or need an apology from him, but I am no longer going to try to get to know him. If he wants to get to know me then fine, the balls in his court now. But I am beyond expending any more precious energy on Alex. He has too many issues. and I probably don't want to know all of them.
Otis was at the house last night, and his new nickname is "Fat Hobbit." Because of the way he disposes of fried chicken and beer. Alex, of course, was sprawled all over his lap. I am beginning to suspect he eats up any attention that comes his way. I, on the other hand, could care less. Otis did ask me two times to sit on his lap. Maybe I was feeling a little vulnerable, or mostly wanted to feel needed, but I sat on his lap the second time and rested my head against his solid chest. It was hard to believe that once I had cussed and screamed at him and he had given me a nosebleed when I wouldn't answer his questions. He got hard when I sat on him, and I have no doubt in my mind he found me arousing. To this day, I haven't felt that kind of energy flow off someone unless you talk about Milo Jones. That guy is a moblie generator! I haven't seen Tommy since the night Milo took me to task at the rodere, and frankly I am concerned because he is supposed to be helping me *acclimate*.
Anyway, I met two girls, Karma very briefly, and Magdalene, the sexy bitch. She and I are going shopping this weekend sometime, thanks to my boldness in texting her. I just felt it was due time I stop avoiding these people and get to know them, because they're just like me, right? Besides if I'm going to bond to anyone, it can't be the humans in my band. It has to be the rats. I''m going to crash, but I had a few lyrics I have in my head that I want to get out on paper.
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Chill out , what you yellin' for? Lay back, it's all been done before And if you could only let it be, you will see I like you the way you are When we're drivin' in your car and you're talking to me one on one but you've become
Somebody else round everyone else You're watching your back like you can't relax You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me Tell me
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated Life's like this you And you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it no no no
You come over unannounced dressed up like you're somethin' else where you are ain't where it's at you see you're making me laugh out when you strike your pose take off all your preppy clothes you know you're not fooling anyone when you've become
Somebody else round everyone else Watching your back, like you can't relax Trying to be cool you look like a fool to me Tell me
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated Life's like this you and You fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it no no no
Chill out , what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before And if you could only let it be You will see
Somebody else round everyone else You're watching your back, like you can't relax You're trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me Tell me
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated Life's like this you and you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it no no no
Why do you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like your somebody else gets me frustrated Life's like this you You fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it no no no
Broken Monday played at Club Ampersand, and I have to admit, I never expected the gig to go as smoothly as it did. Our band was scheduled to play for the Carlisle party at 10 PM, and we were right in synch with the party, which was held in a VIP room off the main dance floor and stage area.
After doing the party shit, we jammed out. The first song was Anticonformity, a song I love, because I am not the only one out there that's ever thought, "Well I just don't fit in anywhere." Its okay not to conform to the world's expectations, I suppose that is what the lyrics mean to me. Anyway, here they are:
Anticonformity
It's all around Pressure from my so-called friends It's all around I'm measured by some stupid trend It's all around Everyone is just like them It's all around It's all around It's all around
(Chorus) So I'm anticonformity I don't try too hard to be I'm not what you think you see Inside I've made a change And I'll never be the same No way!
They conform Un-individuality They conform Forget about variety Yeah, they conform They don't know what they believe They conform They conform They conform
(Chorus) So I'm anticonformity I don't try too hard to be I'm not what you think you see Inside I've made a change And I'll never be the same No way!
Image is overrated if it washes off in the rain You know you gotta go deeper to go against the grain
(Chorus 2X) So I'm anticonformity I don't try too hard to be I'm not what you think you see Inside I've made a change And I'll never be the same No way!
The next song that we performed was "Ignorance," a cover from Paramore, and the crowd just loved it. I think that's when I got my leg felt up while on stage by this stupid, pimply faced twit from the party. Or it could have been an adult and not a teen. Good thing I have excellent balance. Here's the song, and its about having a rep and its not particularly good, but you kind of have to say fuck it at some point. Or fuck you to the rest of society!
Ignorance
If I'm a bad person, you don't like me Well I guess I'll make my own way It's a circle, a mean cycle I can't excite you anymore Where's your gavel? Your jury? What's my offense this time? You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me, Well sentence me to another life
{Bridge} Don't wanna hear your sad songs I don't wanna feel your pain When you swear it's all my fault 'Cause you know we're not the same (Yeah! ) We're not the same (Yeah! ) Oh we're not the same Yeah, the friends who stuck together We wrote our names in blood But I guess you can't accept that the change is good (Hey! ) It's good (Hey! ) It's good (Hey! )
{Chorus} Well you treat me just like another stranger Well it's nice to meet you sir I guess I'll go I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger Well it's nice to meet you sir I guess I'll go I best be on my way out
Ignorance is your new best friend Ignorance is your new best friend
{Verse 2} And this is the best thing that could've happened Any longer and I wouldn't have made it It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture I'm just a person, but you can't take it The same tricks that, that once fooled me They won't get you anywhere I'm not the same kid from your memory Well, now I can fend for myself
{Bridge} Don't wanna hear your sad songs I don't wanna feel your pain When you swear it's all my fault 'Cause you know we're not the same (No! ) We're not the same (No! ) Oh we're not the same Yeah, the friends who stuck together We wrote our names in blood But I guess you can't accept that the change is good (Hey! ) It's good (Hey! ) It's good
{Chorus} Well you treat me just like another stranger Well it's nice to meet you sir I guess I'll go I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger Well it's nice to meet you sir I guess I'll go I best be on my way out
Ignorance is your new best friend Ignorance is your new best friend Ignorance is your new best friend Ignorance is your new best friend
Well you treat me just like another stranger Well it's nice to meet you sir I guess I'll go I best be on my way out
You treat me just like another stranger Well it's nice to meet you sir I guess I'll go I best be on my way out
The last and final song of the night, is one of my favorites because Kurt Cobain was such an inspiration to me and to others in Broken Monday. For the kids, we performed "Smells Like Teen Spirit," and a mosh pit developed right before our eyes. Good thing the security is fucking ace at Club Ampersand. A lot of that shit cleared up before it got out of hand, because the kids were a bit rowdy. Hopefully some of the kids that booked us for other parties will have it at a decent venue and not someone's house. Please God, make that real. Anyway, here's to you Kurt Cobain:
Smells Like Teen Spirit
Load up on guns and bring your friends It's fun to lose and to pretend She's over bored and self assured Oh no, I know a dirty word
Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello!
With the lights out, it's less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us I feel stupid and contagious Here we are now, entertain us A mulatto An albino A mosquito My libido Yay! Hey! Hey!
I'm worse at what I do best And for this gift I feel blessed Our little group has always been And always will until the end
Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello!
With the lights out, it's less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us I feel stupid and contagious Here we are now, entertain us A mulatto An albino A mosquito My Libido Yay! Hey! Hey!
And I forget just why I taste Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile I found it hard, it was hard to find Oh well, whatever, nevermind
Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello, how low? Hello, hello, hello!
With the lights out, it's less dangerous Here we are now, entertain us I feel stupid and contagious Here we are now, entertain us A mulatto An albino A mosquito My libido
A denial !! A denial !! A denial !! A denial !! A denial !! A denial !! A denial !! A denial !! A denial !!
She never slows down She doesn't know why But she knows that when she's all alone It feels like it's all coming down
She won't turn around The shadows are long And she fears if she cries that first tear The tears will not stop raining down
Chorus: So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day what's lost can be found You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound Alone in this fight with herself And the fear's whispering If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found The only way out is through everything She's running from Wants to give up and lie down
So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day what's lost can be found You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day what's lost can be found You stand in the rain
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It rained all fucking weekend, much to my disappointment. I really wanted to go to the mall with Mags, but there were a lot of closings due to Tropical Storm Lee hitting New Orleans, and flooding places all over the damned map. Now its heading northeast. Good riddance Lee! It did give me time to text Manic ( Nicky Monday) and she texted me back to tell me that it was flooding some where she was along Lake Ponchartrain.
I met another bunch of rats in the rodere yesterday. Paulie, who is a real pot head, I met outside on the front porch as he was making a racket on an acoustic guitar. He has a habit of spelling out his name for me in public places, and when I pointed this out to him, in my own way, another rat kinda chapped my ass. Remi. Yeah she meant well to advise me about insulting others, but she had no fucking clue it wasn't the first time that Paulie and I met. I guess I'm tired of dealing with the BS at the house, and with people in general. I've considered moving in with Nicky.
She's got an extra room, and frankly I feel like I'd be doing the Rodere a huge favor by living the way I'm used to doing. I'm quiet around the others most of the time, and that isn't the way I am normally, so others opinions of me have begun to either bother me a lot, or I've gotten way too much of the Lousiana sunshine. That is when it isn't raining. Today I felt like crying, so I did. I wrote a song too. Its about standing up to your obstacles, and not letting others get you down. Easier said than done, I think. Gonna try to play out this drama. I have a catalogue to Delia's and I'll place an order for a few new items since the shopping trip didn't happen.
I've got to get over myself. Thats the biggest obstacle for me, the biggest challenge. I've held on to the past for long enough. Its time for me to take some baby steps into the future, for my sake. Take some chances that I never thought I'd take. For three days now, I've sat in my room. Not wanting to get out of bed. All I've done is eat like a pig. Finally, I got up, showered, got dressed. I called Rodrigo today and apologized for my behavior during my massage, and leaving the way I did.
I guess I have been wallowing in my own sea of emotions. This feeling of not fitting in, has haunted me for such a long time. I guess I expected when I found a rodere, that I would automatically fit in, but that wasn't the case at all. It seems I have to earn my way here, and my actions haven't been particularly good as of late. Remi called me on it, so did Rodrigo, and honestly I didn't want to hear it at the time, but after a few days their words sunk into my brain. I get it.
I'll be different the next time. There are things an old dog needs to learn. And its not too late for me either. First things first, I will leave the past behind and move forward. That is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do before in my life. I've carried it all like baggage for so many years, its disturbing. Maybe its held me back in knowing my beast, and how to balance both my professional life with being a rat. I know its definitely hurt my progress in the rodere, but I am willing to change if need be.
I hadn't really been in the mood the past few days to write a song, but here goes:
At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward...
I stand before, a road that will lead, Into the unknown. At least unknown to me. I want to go, but I'm paralyzed with fear. Fear of a choice, where the outcome isn't clear.
Nooo, but still I gooo.
And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward...
I wonder if, the journey will be, Shorter as I hope, or much longer than it seems. But either way, I've made up my mind. I'm through feeling scared, I'm leaving that behind.
Sooo, Now it's time to gooo.
And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward...
And in while I''l be singing,
Na, nana nana
And I take, the first step of a million more. And I'll make mistakes I've never made before. But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward.
And I take, the first step of a million more! And I'll make mistakes I've never made before! But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward. At least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward!
You're feelin' in it You're ticklin' it You're swimming in it You're gonna get it I'm insatiable And it's all your fault So much lust involved To get me off My water falls Your sexuality (breeds) A storm inside of me (seas) A touch is all I need To make me scream Obscenities Every time you whisper in my ear I get aroused You begin to slowly unbutton my blouse Kissing on my skin my heart's racing now I want you boy
Caught up in the waves of passion up and down Love the way you movin' my body all around Boy you 'bout to make the rain come down Boy you 'bout to make the rain come down
Feel my rain come Pouring soaking Longing your lips Baby ooh
You make it so moist...
When my ocean's overflowing Afterglowing Take me oooh
You make me so moist...
Orgasmic Row it just like that Hope you like drowning in it You won't have a life jacket
My thirst is quenched Ooh baby we're so drenched Our body's rhythms are So cataclysmic Got me twisted
Feeling your anatomy breaking me down Sucking on my (mmm) with ice in your mouth Hurry and undress me take me right now I'm wet for you boy Caught up in the waves of passion up and down Love the way you movin' my body all around
Boy you know you make the rain come down You know how to make my rain come down
Feel my rain come Pouring soaking Longing your lips Baby ooh
You make it so moist...
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Rodrigo.....enough said.
-- Edited by BROOKLYN DECHANEL on Friday 9th of September 2011 08:40:39 AM
Like a moth to a flame Burned by the fire My love is blind Cant you see my desire? Thats the way love goes Like a moth to a flame Burned by the fire My love is blind Cant you see my desire?
Like a moth to a flame Burned by the fire My love is blind Cant you see my desire Thats the way love goes Like a moth to a flame Burned by the fire Thats the way love goes My love is blind Cant you see my desire?
Come with me Dont you worry Im gonna make you crazy Ill give you the time of your life
Im gonna take you places Youve never been before and Youll be so happy that you came
Oooooh, Im gonna take you there Oo-ooh hoo-ooh oo-ooh Thats the way love goes Hoo Thats the way love goes Thats the way love goes Thats the way love goes
Dont mind if I light candles I like to watch us play and Baby, Ive got on what you like
Come closer Baby closer Reach out and feel my body Im gonna give you all my love Ooh sugar dont you hurry Youve got me here all night Just close your eyes and hold on tight
Ooh baby Dont stop, dont stop Go deeper Baby deeper You feel so good Im gonna cry
Oooooh Im gonna take your there Oo-ooh hoo-ooh oo-ooh Thats the way love goes Hoo Thats teh way love goes Thats the way love goes it goes it goes Oooh thats the way love goes Reach out and feel my body Thats the way love goes Dontcha know Thats the way Like a moth to a flame Burned by the fire My love is blind Cant you see my desire Like a moth to a flame Burned by the fire my love is blind Cant you see my desire? Thats the way love goes....
Got up on the wrong side of life today yeah Crashed the car and I'm gonna be really late My phone doesn't work cause it's out of range Looks like it's just one of those kind of days You can't kick me down I'm already on the ground No you can't cause you couldn't catch me anyhow Blue skies but the sun isn't coming out no Today it's like I'm under a heavy cloud
And I feel so alive I can't help myself, don't you realize
I just wanna scream and lose control Throw my hands up and let it go Forget about everything and runaway yeah I just want to fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and runaway yeah
So So is how I'm doing if you're wondering I'm in a fight with the world but I'm winning Stay there come closer it's at your own risk Yeah you know how it is life can be a bitch
But I feel so alive I can't help myself, don't you realize
I just wanna scream and lose control Throw my hands up and let it go Forget about everything and runaway yeah I just want to fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and runaway yeah
I just wanna scream and lose control Throw my hands up and let it go Forget about everything and runaway yeah I just want to fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and runaway yeah
I just wanna scream and lose control Throw my hands up and let it go Forget about everything and runaway yeah I just want to fall and lose myself Laughing so hard it hurts like hell Forget about everything and runaway yeah
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A lot of things have been going on in my life as of late. For one, I've been doing jam sessions with the band in preparation for the Cutting Edge Music and Arts Festival on September 23 & 24 in Downtown New Orleans. I personally called for more information and to have our band, Broken Monday perform there since music professionals and those involved in the music industry will be there to watch the up and coming bands, and solo artists. It is our hope that we get signed to a record label soon, whether it be Plague, or another.
The other nice thing going on is my relationship with Rodrigo. When I am with him I feel totally complete. Like the puzzle pieces are all fitting together. He's really sweet to me, and I have grown quite attached to him. Its hard to explain exactly, but I think I'm falling for him. I often wonder if he feels the same way about me. I know its hard when he's been through so much with losing his former mate, Lilianna, the way he did. I don't want to be her replacement either, because she is someone that cannot be replaced.
I just want him to fall in love with Brooklyn Calista Dechanel. Me, myself and I.
