"Aw, man. Again?" Kevin moaned a bit as he blinked his eyes open, a hard breath drawn in as he stretched his arms wide, smacking his lips together. "Fucking cotton mouth, man. What, was I eating a steak?" his nose scrunched a little as he used his tongue to prod between his teeth, he reached up to pick a few remnants of his forgotten dinner out. Where the hell was he, anyway? Some alleyway, he could figure that much out. Smelled like chinese food. Well, and trash. There's always that. He pat himself, finally finding his sunglasses, sliding them over his eyes as his head leaned back against the cool brick wall behind him, his hands went back to searching himself. He tapped the pack of Camel crush, drawing one out, placing it between his lips. His thumb flicked the wheel of his cheap gas station lighter, finally getting a flame, he held it to the end of his cig and lit it. He took one drag, then amused himself by squeezing the filter, changing the flavor. It's the little things in life.
"They need to come up with some...crush and crush again. Like, ok. We go from regular to menthol. That's cool. I'm excited. Now I want something else. Like...I want to squeeze it here, and then it's cloves. I should work for Camel." Yes, he was talking to himself. He did that. He pointed towards the alley floor and laughed. "Hey, some dude lost a shoe! And a jacket. And...his pants." Hell, there was some naked dude running around somewhere. Oh, shit! Was that why his butt hurt? OH GOD NO!! He jumped up quickly, his cigarette almost dropped from his mouth when he sighed in relief. He had been sitting on an old Campbell's soup can. His hand clutched to his chest in sincere, thankful relief. He nudged at the pants with his shoe, a tell-tale heavy lump in the back pocket. "Well, naked guy. Let's see who you are." He said, crouching down to slide the wallet from the jeans, the clothing cast aside. "Hey, Ben. Where you been?" He said as he slid the hundred from the wallet into his own pocket. He rifled through the receipts he found within. "Taco Bell...BP... BP? Fucker." he kicked at the jeans as he tossed the gas receipt to the ground. "Ooo, he went to Jared." he said, examining the receipt. "And spent...five hundred dollars. Who the fuck spends five hundred dollars at a jewelry store, then takes off all his clothes and runs through an alley. And I thought I smoked the heavy shit."
Another puff of menthol flavored smoke curled upwards around his head as he tossed the rest of the wallet into a dumpster. Credit cards weren't worth the trouble these days. License didn't look enough like him to work as any sort of passable fake, either. Time to check the jacket. As he pulled a small box from one of the pockets, opening it to reveal the glittering diamond ring within, a door opened, the rattle of bagged trash being tossed echoed in the alley walls.
"Shaggy I tell you no selling back here! Bad for business, man! What you got there?" said the short Asian man, moving to look over Kevin's shoulder. "Ooo, he went to Jared. Why you go Jared? You meet girl? Girls must be crazy."
"Fuck off, Chang! I found it. Which reminds me. Have you seen a naked guy running around?"
"I give you two hundred dollar for that. Better you get ANY pawn shop."
"Bitch, he paid five hundred for it, and that was probably just a down payment."
"Yeah? And where you gonna say you got it? Though you go in pawn shop, they gonna know. You bought ring for girl, girl realized you loser, she tell you no. Me? No judge! Three hundred. And I give you lunch."
"...what's the special."
"What today...Wednesday? Sweet sour pork."
"Can I have those crab rangoons with it? AND some saki?"
"Dumb fucker we no Japanese! We Chinese."
"You put pee pee in my coke? Ow! Man...."
"So we got deal? Three hundred, lunch, no Saki because you stupid."
"Alright, man, fuck! You still owe me money for that shit I gave you anyway."
"That shit stepped on more than rug. I put it in my coffee."
"The fuck it was! It was pure."
"Pure sugar."
"No it was oxi-clean, bitch! And now Billy Mays is going to crawl out of your little oriental ass and beat the fuck out of you with his beard."
"You can't say oriental no more, man. You really are turd brain."
"What? Since when. What about that place with the neon sign saying 'Oriental massage'. Huh? She's Chinese."
"She Korean! Besides, she jerk you dick off. I no do that, gay boy."
"Fuck it man, let's just go eat. You're making me hungry. And it stinks back here. Smells like something crawled up something's ass, took a big shit, died, then took another shit."
"See? Told you. Always talk about ass. Gay boy."
The two went back through the opened door to the kitchen, the smell of the food being prepared a welcome change to the smell in the alley, neither noticing the arm protruding from beneath the dumpster. Had they noticed, they would have found the owner of the wallet, his flesh torn and mostly missing, leaving his bones and bits of sinew sloughing off of his skeleton, as if some fierce, hungry creature had eaten his ravenous fill of the man.
