Owen said it'd be good for me to get my thoughts out somehow, even if it was on paper. It was nice of him to suggest something, I guess. Never kept a journal in my life, though. Guess now is as good a time to start as any. Who knows, maybe it'll do me some good.
So, where to start...we're still at Nate's house. I managed to sneak away from everyone for a moment and get a head start on this. Horray for random notebooks. I feel so damn awkward talking to everyone...it feels like they're all talking down to me, like I'm a little fuckin kid. I know what I'm getting myself into. I want this. I need it, and I don't care that there's options, that there's a cure. I'm not gonna be the one who needs protected the rest of his life. Guess my breakdown in the hall didn't help matters to much.
I think they're getting into what's going to happen to me now. Owen gave me a pretty decent anecdote for why I'd want to find a wolf to train me...but I don't know them, I don't trust them. I know and trust Owen, guy's been here for me through enough so far. Steven too, but I'm not sure how he'd be able to help. It's not like I'm magically inclined or anything, as far as I know. That'd be pretty bad ass, though, wouldn't it? A wolf running around shooting lightning out of its mouth?
Anyway, if I had my choice, I'd probably go with Owen. Not sure if I've got one at this point, though. Geller hasn't come back in yet, but the guy sounded like he knew what was up, like he had a plan set up already. Something tells me that it's all already been picked for me. I'm sure Nate had something to say about it. Fuck...told myself I wouldn't cry any more over this.
Think they're on their way in again. I'll write more later.
I'm not in a much different spot than where I was at my last time of writing, though shit is finally moving a little.
Silent basically told me that I was going to stay with her for a while, and there wasn't much I could do about it. Oddly enough, she gave me some time to 'think about it'. The hell is there to think about? In all honesty, I was going to end up going with her and Lori anyway, but the way she basically commanded me set me off. Doesn't really matter to much, I guess. In any case, I'm trying to enjoy a couple days to myself before I make the call and tell Lori I'm ready to head over. Most of my stuff is already packed.
Owen and Steven have been checking up on me constantly. I'm happy for it, too. I sort of doubt that wolf's gonna come back for me, but I've been sleeping with Nate's gun on the table just in case. I don't need the painkillers anymore, even though Owen gave me an ass ton of them. It's almost completely healed up now...way to fast for comfort. Owen tried to get this woman, Jessica, to check me in to a hospital. Why the hell did he think that would fly at all? I've been locked up before, it's not fun. No way I'm gonna let them try that on me again..fucking hate hospitals.
Other shit's been going on with me, too...some pretty cool, some not. I don't think I've put on much more than boxers since the attack. I'm just to fucking hot for it. It's something that I'll have to get used to, though. As of this writing, it's dark out. I haven't even bothered to turn a light on yet, 'cause I can see perfectly fine. Fuck, all of my senses are on steroids. I can hear, see, and smell better and clearer than I ever have. The smell's a little annoying, the faintest things that I never really cared about are now pretty grating. You know how they say everyone loves their own brand? Don't believe it.
All in all, it's not as bad as I initially thought it was gonna be. Steven's on his way to give me a night on the town since I've been stuck inside fighting this the past few days. I figure I'll call Lori either tonight or tomorrow, and we can get the ball rolling with whatever is gonna happen next. I'll write more once I get it figured out.
Jesus Christ, I think I broke something in my fucking head.
Shitwaffles.
4 P.M.
...Alright, I guess I'd better explain myself.
So Steven showed up and took me out to this festival last night. Seemed like it was going to be a pretty fun night, we had just gotten some food and were trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. That's when I started to feel something. It was like something was tugging at my mind, calling me in what seemed like a random direction. It was a strange feeling, but my curiosity got the better of me.
Turns out that I was being called by this vamp chick named Nike, who was just letting some of her power loose and didn't really mean to call me over. As we talked, she made mention that she was looking for a bite to drink (yeah, you try to figure that one out), and was looking for willing participants rather than hunting.
I was about to bail the fuck out, when Steven pulled me aside and told me what sounded like the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. Some vampires, he said, could make the bite feel not only painless, but orgasmic. Like the best sex of your life. I wasn't to sure on it, but he was pretty fucking excited for it. So I figured, why not? You only live once, right? So we arrange for a private room at the Aerie to conduct our...business. There was this other vamp there, too, named Nikolai. Sadly, he didn't stick around long enough for me to know any more than that he was Russian. Hope I see you again soon, comrade.
The whole time, though...I kept feeling her pull. And something more. It was just all around pleasant to be around her, and I just wanted to keep following her around to be near it. It was so fucking weird...but I really didn't have any objections. It didn't seem like Steven felt it at all until the bite.
So anyway, I'll make a long story short, since I don't want to get into all the details. Turns out, Steven was right. I felt like I was fucking high while she was going to town on Steve, and it just got better when she turned to me. I didn't think it was possible to feel that good with my pants still on. She had more control over me than I thought...I would have figured that it would have set me off, or at least brought me close to shifting, but she held it back.
You wanna know the worst part, though? I didn't want her to stop. Even now, I'm fidgeting around this fucking house, wanting to be around her again. To feel that gentle caress on my mind...oh, for fuck's sake. Now I can really tell there's something wrong, I'm starting to get all poetic.
Gah, gotta get my mind off of it. Thank god they left the Xbox when they left. At least I have her number...
