Work was interesting today. We got in a few books that I am going to have to read. I can't help being nervous about this ball though. Owen is taking me. He's so nice and I am so nervous. I have to get my nerves under control and not loose my cool. I don't want to singe this dress. It took me to long to find and it's beautiful. I ordered the wings from a company in town that specializes in costumes. >.< Paid a pretty penny for them to. But, in the end I think it was worth it.

With Owen escorting me I have to look forward to her great company. But, the down side is this curse/gift I've been given. I'm not quite sure how to see it yet. So far it's been more trouble than it's worth. But, maybe, maybe one day I will learn how to control it enough to function on a normal level. Now, my only problem is burning Owen if he asks me to dance or making it rain indoors because I get sad. Please, please, please, let me be halfway normal for one night.

Meeting Owen on the ferry that day is probably the best thing that's happened to me in a while. I'm doing silly little girl things, like thinking of him when I should ben working. I don't know what this is, but he makes me feel like I could breath again and start to live again. as well. I've kept myself caged for so long in the fear of hurting someone that I have forgotten what it means to be a person. Sticking yourself in a situation where you are closed off from people is difficult to work your way out of. I thought I was doing what was best, when what I have really done is hurt myself.

The question remains, how do you go about telling someone that when you get upset or mad you can burn them? Or worse yet set something on fire? What about when you are so sad it hurt that you can make it rain......indoors. Somehow, someway, I have to get control of this so I can have a life.